I’m going to let you in on a little, tiny secret. I am tease. But not just any tease! No, no. My flirtatious ways actually have a purpose. Allow me to explain.

When I was about 16 years old, I had the house to myself. I went on a date with an older man. He was about 24 if memory serves, and was very polite. He took me out to dinner and he had me back at my place at a decent hour. I invited him in, he said no. We parted ways and that was it. The rejection, as I perceived it, affected me deeply. So much so, that I have never made the first move since without the help of some liquid courage. Sad, I know.

But that is where my flirtatious ways enter into the equation. Yes, I call myself La Coquette. By definition, a coquette is someone who behaves in an amorous way without any intention of making good on an individual’s…*ahem*…expectations. But that isn’t necessarily me. My coquettish-ness let’s you know I am receptive, then it’s up to you to seal the deal. And here is where my confession comes in.

I love to play certain games. One of my favorite games is seeing how far I can push a man before he can’t control himself anymore and basically pounces on me. It’s a dangerous game, to play, I know. It leaves plenty of room for misunderstandings and error. I don’t recommend it to everyone. But the pouncing doesn’t always mean sex. I mean, I am a married woman after all. The pounce may be a grope, a phone call, a clandestine meeting, or even a stolen kiss. Sometimes, it most definitely means sex. While a majority of this game is rooted in power, influence, and seduction…a larger part is rooted in my fear of rejection. So instead, I tempt you into making the first move.

For example, one of my favorite role playing scenarios revolves around this game. I am your queen. You are my general. You wish to meet our kingdom’s enemy on the field of battle but you cannot proceed without my permission. Being the wanton Queen that I am, I order you to your knees. I make you crawl to me and beg for my sanction to go to war. I forbid you to look at any part of me other than my feet, ordering you to keep your nose to the ground an inch from my toes because you are a military cretin, unworthy of any of my attention. What kind of behavior would I expect from someone who is rumored to be my finest general? If I can get you to act as a piece of human furniture, then you have failed to earn your Queen’s respect. If, instead, you rise from your knees, pin your Queen down to the floor, and personally show her why you command the attention and lives of an entire army? Well then, you’ve not only won yourself the sanction for your campaign, but the regular attention of a very horny woman.

I’m not very good at holding back. When I do, it’s a miracle. But it all hinges on someone else opening the flood gates.

I am the Gatekeeper. Do you fancy yourself the keymaster?

~ Roxanne

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How do you break-up...with the Lifestyle?

This topic has been on my mind for a few months now.

When my husband and I decided to enter the lifestyle, we did so at full speed. We jumped into making our SLS and SDC profiles. I lost almost 40 pounds to get healthier (and who am I kidding, to feel more attractive). We made profiles on swinger websites, we looked into swinger clubs… we dove in head first together and have enjoyed it together ever since.

So the other day, I says to hubby I says, “What if I didn’t want to swing anymore?”

Of course I do want to keep swinging. Its fun, I meet amazing people, and I get to go to new places and express my sexuality uninhibitedly. I watch my husband please other women and watch him get pleased in return. And I… well, I get all the attention an attention whore like me can get.

What did he say? He said, “That’s fine with me.” I was flabbergasted. Going into the swinging lifestyle was such a big decision in our marriage and I found it hard to believe that we could both just quit cold turkey like that. Granted, we really don’t get the opportunity to play that much. Swinging partners are few and far between in our neck of the woods and we are more akin to traveling every 3 to 6 months around Florida to make some “Hot Date” friends during our trips. I’ve always enjoyed it, too. It also doesn’t help that these last two semesters have been extremely time consuming and we just haven’t had time to entertain or be entertained by other couples.

Yet its not only interesting, its very important to consider. You feel compelled to make your partner happy, but whose happiness overrides the happiness of the other? Do you forsake the physical pleasure of one lifestyle to give your spouse the monogamous, emotional security they want? Can you accept the fact that your partner may not be completely satisfied physically or mentally because they want to make you happy? Is this corner you both turn in your life one that either of you can come back from happily? When you go all in, do you stay all in?

Just a little food for thought. Feel free to give me some insight if you have had this conversation with your spouse.

As happy and as jovial as ever. ~ Roxy

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Update of the moment!

A lot has happened since I first told you I was planning a gang bang for my birthday. First, I finally decided on the number of men I want to participate. At first I thought four men would advisable. I didn’t want to freak myself out with too many men standing around, all of them wanting to poke and prod me somehow with their spearheaded manly parts. Then I thought back to all of the gang bang porn I have watched over the year and decided I need at least 6 men to live up to all the hype a gang bang tends to generate. So, yes, 6 men MINIMUM will have their way with me at my gang bang. If I get less than six, I will be somewhat disappointed.

Is this too much to ask for? Apparently.

AND thanks to a British porn star who is in the habit of inviting her fans to gang bang her all the time, I have also set down my ground rules! She said this was an excellent approach as opposed to just jumping into the fray all gung-ho. Set the ground rules first so no one expects something that is not going to happen.

So my ground rules are as follows:
1. All men participating must be disease, drug, and drama free (lifestyle standard IMO)
2. Condoms are a must. Non-negotiable.
3. Kissing and oral are not only allowed, but encouraged.
4. Fingering is allowed but fingernails must be trimmed and clean.
5. All men must be single. I don’t want any wife or girlfriend issues.
6. Anal is negotiable.

So once I set my ground rules, I threw myself out there. I placed an ad on Craigslist. Don’t roll your eyes. I looked for legitimate organizations to help me organize my gang bang, but the closest one is in Tampa!

The first post got removed. Apparently my ground rules set above were so selective to the point of being discriminatory…. Okay, maybe I added a few more criteria.

- Height/Weight proportional
- men between the ages of 25 and 45 only
- Cock size between 7 and 9 inches preferred
- etc, etc, etc..

So fine, I amended my post and out of the 5 men who showed an interest, NONE of them were legitimate. They either turned out to be the never ending picture exchange or simply toyed with the idea before chickening out. So I moved my advertising to Swinglifestyle.com, searching for local single men interested in the prospect of a gang bang opportunity. I thought I’d be beating them off with a stick, but no. Some were so young (early 20s) that the prospect of performing sexually in front of others was terrifying. Others said they weren’t interested in a gang bang but still tried to worm their way into a threesome with my husband and I, a solo date with me, or were otherwise uninterested. Others were still game but just weren’t my type. They were either over 50 or very tiny in the package department.

I found out that one of the six I originally approach may still been interested but that is slowly turning into a desire to play alone.

Sigh… I thought finding willing men would be the easy part. When people see my pics, they can’t stop talking about how much they would please me and how much they want to fuck me and blah, blah, blah… Put your money where your mouth is, goddamnit!

Don’t you want this?

Don't you want this?!

So at this point, I am back at square one with one prospective participant out of state and two to three others elsewhere in the state, namely Tampa and Miami. I’ve begun to think that gang bangs really are just a fantasy, a fantasy that only works in porn movies. Either you stress yourself out trying to plan one or you throw caution to the wind and to potentially be severely disappointed. Because I will tell you, expectations for gang bang participants can’t be high. They won’t all look like a young Randy Spears, or even an older Randy Spears. All you can really ask for is a working cock and the ability to perform in close proximity to other working cocks. The rest, like the ability to satisfy you, work their bodies, find your sweet spots, good looks, you have to pray for and just have faith.

But I have a new plan of attack! Inspired by my husband, I am intent on visiting a club, either Miami Velvet, Trapeze, or Eyz Wide Shut. There I will approach single males one at a time to inquire about their interest in participating in a gang bang. If they are interested, we will sit down and have a little five minute chat about the rules and any expectations. Once I have at least 3 or 4 candidates, I hope the scene of me being fucked eight ways from Sunday will invite other single males to volunteer for gang bang service.

That’s right, men. Roxanne wants YOU!

I’ll let you know if this approach works out.

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"Hey guys! Just dropped by...with wine...and no clothes..."

So what is the image of a swinger to you? I’ve spoken with many people recently about who swingers are and what they do. I can tell you, I never got the same answer twice.

One person told me that the only thing he could base his opinion or knowledge of swingers on were scenes from 1970s porn…What we see is what we get, and we all can have sex with each other because we are part of the same “club.” Okay, so swingers are porn stars and we have no standards.

Another person believed there was no love in what swingers do. So swingers are heartless too.

A fellow swinger apparently believed that other swingers hang on every dirty picture, dirty word, and dirty act other people do, enclosed in some kind of naughty micro-world of debauchery without family, jobs, or other responsibilities to attend to. The women in the lifestyle are wicked sex kittens, waiting only to be pleased by the first man to wave his dick at her or the first woman to bat her eyelashes, regardless of any kind of connection, physical or otherwise.

You know what? I can tell you in a single sentence what Swingers are.

More than anything else, Swingers are…misunderstood.

But I guess this what our discretion earns us. In the absence of factual information, people will come to their own baseless conclusions. Lack of data leads people to believe that our current community of swingers is merely an extension of the original Plato’s Retreat lot. That we fuck anything that walks because we are all such sex fiends. That because we are sex fiends, we can’t possibly have time for anything else other than to satisfy our own primal urges. So on one side of the blade, our discretion saves our employment and enhances our positions as upstanding members of the community. But the other side of this discretion blade, the side that cuts us all so deeply, is that the secrecy and lack of information contributes to the hype that makes the soccer moms, religious heads, moral conservatives, and otherwise narrow-minded sheep demonize the lifestyle, calling for our ejection from organizations, for our termination at our jobs.

An average Saturday night? Not really. Happens, maybe, every 3 to 6 months.

You know why? I’ll tell you why because it bears repeating. It is because these people have absolutely no idea who we are or why it is we behave the way we do. How could they? There are so many of us, you couldn’t possibly reach a consensus on what swinging is and does for us. Most days I would say, “And you know what, its none of their goddamn business.” I know that I could explain to everyone what swinging means to me until I am blue in the face, and that it wouldn’t make a single dent in the accumulation of misconceptions. So what is the truth?

The truth is we are government employees, we are stay at home mothers and fathers, we are teachers, doctors, lawyers. We are unemployed, self-employed, and unemployment-proof. We have children, we have mothers and fathers. We are straight, bisexual, and homosexual. We go to school to earn the degrees that make us capable of contributing to the world. We are 20-somethings and we are 50-somethings, single, married, and sometimes both. The best of us acknowledge our real world responsibilities and meet them head-on. The spectrum of classification is infinite.

Swinging not only implies partner approval, but participation too!

The pervading idea is that one perversion leads to bigger, nastier perversions and even crime. But you know what? There is no slippery slope. Swingers function extraordinarily well in society and we keep our “distasteful, hedonistic ways” out of the limelight. We hide it away from puerile brains who do not understand that there is SO much love in what couples do, and the rest is merely physical; that love and lust are, indeed, mutually exclusive and that is not a slight against humanity. Couple in the lifestyle communicate and trust each other, two of the primary pillars of love. Monogamy is purely optional not necessary for love. Pleasure for the sake of pleasure does not contribute to the downfall of society. We are not so desperate for physical interaction that we forsake the standards we use to navigate the sea of writhing, sweaty bodies. We are polite, we are selective, and we play safe (at least I always do). In every population, there are a few fools gambling with their lives for the thrill and sensation. Swinging is no exception.

And the human body, either male or female, is a beautiful thing. The way nature made us to enjoy one another is something to be celebrated. Nudity and sex are not evil temptations! When the world went into an uproar over William Blatty’s The Exorcist, he specifically addressed the accusations that his book was perverse and violent. He said that while portions of the book were extreme, the fact that people were focusing on those parts as opposed to the overarching theme of the book was more indicative of what was wrong with the reader than what was wrong with the book. I agree and feel that there is nothing wrong with our Lifestyle. The problem truly lies in the people who fail to understand what the Lifestyle means to its participants.

And no doubt those misunderstandings will continue. And in spite of those misunderstandings, the Lifestyle will continue to thrive all over the world.

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